The Mind and its Prejudices

 ‘This is not your cup of tea’ the voice murmured. Alicia dashed the cup onto the table. The program was about to start in the next 3 hours, and she had managed to slip out of the backstage room for a puff of smoke and coffee. She would be performing the prima ballerina on Black Swan for the first time.

She was only 5 years old when her mother dropped her to ballet school and now she was 18. In ballet what we see on the stage seems to be a theatrical dance performance with delicate costumes and magical lighting. But in a true sense, it is an amalgamation of consistent practice and various weight-bearing forms of exercises, balance, coordination, and concentration. The dancers keep up their practice even with bruised toes, calluses, and blisters for the final performance, till their bodies align with the moves like a feather in the breeze.

She was perplexed, her face blazed red and her turquoise blue eyes turned moist as she wanted to quit the show. She would smoke occasionally when stressed; this was her final break for the day. They should report backstage at least 2 hours before.

Unlike other dance forms, ballet focus on ease and grace of the positions and connections between the team members. However, Alicia was not only critical of her dance movements but of others as well. She would also casually smile or mock the new joiners for their little faults when their arm positions were slightly bent or when any dancer would falter as they landed with one foot after beating the other. She knew she had come to this place with a lot of toil and hardship and her cabriole was the best where her second leg returned to the floor while the other leg would be held for a second in the air at 90 degrees before returning to the floor. Though her behavior was not even close to intimidating she casually liked to judge others. It was a motivation for her to be the best. She would practice for hours when everyone had left to fine-tune the moves without the slightest imperfection. There were days when she would never be satisfied, and her mind would keep probing the various mistakes that could happen and she would stand for hours staring at the mirror in front of her.

She returned backstage and sat like a stone while her makeup was being done unconsciously repeating the dance movements in her head. The dressing room was dimly light with a pale green hue. The musicians were tuning to their final notes and other last-minute adjustments, the dancers were dressing and grooming to look their best on stage. The newbies giggled a little more to shed their anxiety while the veterans tried to look for a quiet place to focus.

 She slowly put on her favorite pink satin ballet shoes and added a little more sparkle on her cheeks to cover up her face which looked drab.

The only thought that occupied her mind was all the critical judgments she would hear if the performance was not good, which played like a broken record player. Sometimes we become so critical of our thoughts that we assume that everyone sees the world through the same lens as ours and we misinterpret our thoughts as truth. The mind works on habits and does not distinguish oneself from others. If we keep judging others it becomes a habit in which we become even more cautious about ourselves with time.

Ballet, like any other creative work, is about finding a flow in which we lose ourselves and become one with the art form which fulfills us. It is that moment of flow that makes our performance extraordinary.

The final announcement was made, and the crew members huddled in a group and aligned in the queue for the performance. Their faces burst with excitement as they geared up to hit the stage. Alicia threw a smile on her face which turned cold, her feet trembled her body was numb. Never had she felt like this before. It seemed nothing mattered to her at that moment, all the hard work seemed futile. She knew she was not nervous but all she wanted was to quit.

 It was deeper this time as she started to fear her own company and the voices running through her mind grew louder.